Tonight at dusk Samhain began. Samhain is the Witches' New Year, and a time for new beginnings and letting go of negativity that may have plagued you in the recent year. This has been a particularly negative year for me, hence the absence of new blog entries. I entered a depressive episode of my bipolar disorder in early December 2015, and am just now starting to slowly come out of it. In the last month my depression has been moderate to mild, and I've even had a few days without depression. While I'd like the depression to be gone, it's still much better than the severe suicidal depression I've been experiencing since December. My anxiety is still quite bad, especially my social anxiety. DH and I have lost some "friends" this year, and it has effected my self confidence a lot. I can barely make phone calls, even important ones.
This year my Pagan New Years Resolution is to blog more often in Pagan Spoonie, while exploring my spiritual and religious beliefs and feelings. I also want to continue to learn about and write about studying world religions.
This year has also been difficult on us financially. Things are really tight, and I probably won't be able to get much in the way of Christmas gifts. I do have Christmas gifts for my sister's step-daughter already, and want to get some presents for her step-son. I just don't know if I'll be able to afford to mail them by Christmas. While I've grown closer to my Mama and Daddy, I've become even more distant with my sister. This is the same sister (my only sister) who didn't invite me to her wedding, even though we promised each other since she was four and I was seven that we would be each other's bridesmaids. That's right, I wasn't invited. She married about four years ago, and claimed she had no way to know how to get a hold of me to invite me, even though a Google search would give all the information that she needed to invite me. Worst of all, she has never apologized. I want to let go of this anger. I don't plan on forgiving her, but I don't want to carry on with all that hurt and anger inside of me all the time. I don't have to forgive her to drop the negative feelings inside. I also want to dispel the sadness, hurt, and anger at the loss of "friendship" this year.
So I have a resolution to blog more, and a desire to dispel the negativity I carry inside. I hope you all have a wonderful Samhain!